God is constantly training us

From the desk of Fr. Ignatius Waters, cp

Sunday, 17th June 2018

In the Scriptures, God is constantly wanting to train us and educate us into his own family life and love. And what we gradually come to see is that God teaches us best in the things we wish to God had never happened to us: “Is my gloom after all /Shade of his hand outstretched caressingly?” (Francis Thompson, “Hound of Heaven”)

God teaches us best in ways we don’t like at all. Often, we need to be broken up by life – by some sickness or sorrow, by some fear or failure, by some loss or separation before we become pliable and teachable. Often, the ground of our lives needs to be ploughed up, broken up, by some pain or suffering before we allow ourselves to be helped, to be healed, to be ministered to. God’s word can’t get through to us because we want to manage, we want to be in control, we want to be strong; we don’t want to need anyone or anything! Remember Peter. Only when he was drowning did he cry out for the help that, in fact, he needed all the time: “Lord, save me, I perish! I’m going down!” In other words, there’s no breakthrough without some kind of breakdown, which we hate at the time and only afterwards see was a necessary part of our training.  (The Lord trains those he loves, and suffering is part of your training” Heb.12: 5-7.) I hated it when my mother was laid low with cancer and my father with dementia. I hated it when I had to leave people and places I loved and was expected to start over again in a new place. I didn’t like it one bit when, about the age of 40, (a long time ago!) I went through a period of great disillusionment with myself, first of all. I realized I wasn’t the good and holy priest I foolishly thought I was going to be, when I started out; the Passionists weren’t the perfect Congregation I once thought they were; and neither was the Church the perfect Church I once thought it was! But all this was a necessary part of my training. If I was living with illusions, I needed to be disillusioned! I needed to build my faith and hope on God’s love and mercy for us all, imperfect though we are. As Kahlil Gibran said, “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding,” Though I prefer to say, “Your pain can be the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” because, as you know well, it can also make us harder and more resistant to the help and the training we need.

 You will remember the hymn: “Spirit of the living God, fall afresh on me, melt me, mould me, etc.” Well I used to hate that hymn, or maybe, more truly, I was afraid of it, because I knew there was every possibility that I could melt! Tears came easily and, with my name being ‘Waters’, I could imagine myself flowing out under the door! Why did I feel like that? I think for the same reason as Peter. I didn’t want to be weak or appear weak. I remember at the same time seeing a poster which said:

      I thought I was being strong and now I realise I was only being safe.