Why Parents get discouraged!

thought-for-sundayFrom the desk of Fr. Ignatius Waters, cp

Sunday, 10th January 2016

  

 

            

During the week I had a visit from happy parents, Paul and Georgina, and their little girl, Lara, born 6 days before Christmas. And on Christmas Day, it was such a joy to meet Leanne and her baby girl born a month or so before Christmas. They may not want, or need, to hear these five points written by a father of six children. At the same time, what Dr. Taylor Marshall has to say may cheer and encourage young and not so young parents among you. Always good to know you’re not the only ones!  Dr. Marshall, a former Episcopalian priest, is now a Catholic:

 

  1. Lack of Sleep. 5-9 months after the birth of a baby is hard on the body and mind. Lack of sleep really takes a toll on happiness. Patience is short. For me, 2007 (after our fourth baby) and 2011 (after our sixth baby) were really hard on me.
  2. Uncertainty. When I left the Episcopalian ‘priesthood’ and became a Catholic, it came with uncertainty. I slumped into discouragement. My darkest years were 2007 (new baby and new job, new city, became Catholic) and, once again 2011 (new baby, trying to finish PhD, uncertainty about employment).
  3. Financial fears. Nothing gets you depressed and discouraged like watching a checking account run to $0.00. Even worse, the accumulation of debt is full-out slavery. When I talk to men all over the country, their number one fear about having a large family is financial. (For women it’s emotional fatigue – probably related to lack of sleep and total exhaustion).
  4. Advice (and mockery) from family and friends. I hear sad stories about this all the time. Strangers, friends, (and worst of all family) will question the prudence and responsibility of parents. Not just on family size, but on every detail: children’s diet, children’s entertainment, children’s education, children’s religion, children’s schedule, etc.  Everyone has an opinion and they lump it on the shoulders of parents.
  5. Criticism. We live in a neighbourhood without many kids. The police were at our house yesterday because the neighbours called them (again!). Why? What was the crime? Our children were playing in the cul-de-sac. The police officer: “It’s technically illegal to play in the street. But yeah, I know. I grew up playing in the street.” You just want to throw your hands in the air. “Oh, okay, officer. I’ll lock the kids inside the house from now on, and I’ll have them play video games all day – you know those video games where they go around shooting people. Would that be better?” It comes in other forms. The priest or parishioners criticising you for your children’s behavior at Mass. Or just the “look” some give which is worse than anything they could say.

 

I don’t experience these things all the time, but often these factors cluster with the birth of a baby. Like I said, with the birth of a baby you get: lack of sleep, uncertainty, financial instability, lots of unsolicited advice and criticism from others (and sometimes from your spouse!).