Each of us needs more love than we deserve

From the desk of Fr. Ignatius Waters, cp

Sunday, 8th October 2017

A question for you. Do you find yourself agreeing or disagreeing with this statement: “Each of us needs more love than we deserve.”? I came across it in a book called “The God who won’t let go” by Peter van Bremen. I know you may need time to think about it or debate it with others, but what is your instinctive reaction?

I’ve had time to think about it and, at first, I thought there was something wrong with it. I think this is because at one time, I wouldn’t have expected to be loved if I didn’t deserve it. I’ve have expected myself to work harder so that I might deserve it. I think this is because from early childhood we’re inclined to link being loved with being good. If I’m not good, I won’t be loved. Did you feel that?

 A young mother was at mass with her two little boys. The older of the two was restless and she was pleading with him “Please try to be good; it won’t be long now.” And he was equally plaintive in his response: “I can’t. I can’t. I always be bold!” I’m sure we have sympathy for both mother and child in that situation. But ‘being good’ must seem the most impossible thing in the world for a little lad who’s always being told he’s bold!  And I feel as we grow older we’re not very different from that little lad. As we were at home so we can be with God and when Jesus puts great ideals before us and asks us to be good, we may feel like crying out too: “I can’t, I can’t, I always fall short; I try but I keep falling down!” The result is we feel God can’t love us very much and we don’t love ourselves very much either – and don’t forget, we’re supposed to love others as we love ourselves! And all this mess is because we think being loved depends on us and how good we are.  

And Jesus is constantly telling us in the gospel that we are loved and it doesn’t depend on how good we are. It’s not because we deserve it! It’s because we need it. We need more love than we deserve.  Remember the little lad not yet 11, who wrote this letter to God: “Dear God, why did you like the prodigal son better than his brother? Do you like good people better if they do some sins first? Yours sincerely, Alan.” Jesus would have been delighted with that young lad who wondered why the one who messed up before he caught himself on seemed to be celebrated and loved more than the one who was faithful and never strayed. Of course, it’s not that he’s loved more than his brother; it’s because he knows he needs more love than he deserves. And so does the older brother, though he may fancy himself as being faithful and good.

                            Each of us needs more love than we deserve.