We Are All Disabled In Some Way

thought-for-sundayFrom the desk of Fr. Ignatius Waters, cp

Sunday, 29th October 2017

  

 

I wrote about Jean Vanier recently. He established homes for handicapped people and there are now 143 L’Arche communities all over the world where ‘normal’ people live with and assist those with disabilities. But Vanier never wanted to make a distinction between ‘normal’ people and people with disabilities because of his conviction that we are all disabled in some way. This is how he explained it:

“As children we have been hurt. Our first experience of pain was on that day when, as a little child, we sensed that we were not wanted by our parents, when they were angry with us because we did not fit into their plan or do what they wanted us to do. We cried out and disturbed them when they did not want to be disturbed or we did something that annoyed them. We were so little, so vulnerable then, so in need of love and of understanding. We could not understand that this breakage came from fatigue, emptiness, inner pain, and wounds of our parents who could not bear to hear our cry and that it was not “our” fault. We had to escape, then, into our dreams, projects and ideas. When little children are hurt, they close themselves up, hiding behind unexpressed anger, revolt and grief, sulking and depression, or they escape into a world of dreams. This breakage is like a dagger entering a fragile craving for communion. It causes horrible loneliness, anguish, inner pain, feelings of guilt and shame.

Children feel they have hurt their parents and have disappointed them. No child can understand or bear this inner pain. Children cannot judge or condemn their parents whom they need so much just to survive. So, they withhold and hide their anger and blame themselves. They know then that they are no good, unlovable, misfits that nobody wants. Human beings learn to cut themselves off from all this inner pain, and thus from reality, and especially from the reality of people who cause or reawaken inner pain. We are all so broken in love, and in our capacity to relate. We have difficulty understanding others and wanting their growth and peace of heart. We can quickly judge or condemn them. We hurt each other. We seek to control or to use others, or to run away and hide. Since we were little children we have hidden this pain deep down within us, in a forgotten world with solid barriers around it. It is in this forgotten world of early pain, rejection, and confusion that the thirst for love and communion is wounded, and then relationships become dangerous. So, we tend to live not in reality but in dream, in ideologies and illusions, in theories and projects, things that bring success and acclaim. The barriers around our hearts are deep and strong, protecting us from pain. We live in the past or in the future or in a dream.”

We must let ourselves be healed by others and come to deeper self-knowledge. There’s no end to this process. We must also accept others as wounded people, bear with them and contribute to their healing. We can’t do this on our own so let’s pray for the constant support and spiritual energy that we need.