The Lord turned and looked at Peter

thought-for-sundayFrom the desk of Fr. Ignatius Waters, cp

Sunday, 25th March 2018

  

 

Why was Peter hanging round the courtyard?  Was he watching, waiting, and hoping to catch a glimpse of Jesus as he was being brought through? Or was he too busy saving his own neck, cursing and swearing and trying to prove that this man, Jesus, meant nothing to him, that he didn’t know him, that he wasn’t interested in him? But why hang around? It must have been difficult to pretend that he was there just to warm himself at the fire. When he wasn’t defending himself, he must have kept watching and wondering what was happening now. What was happening to this man who had been everything to him for the last three years, who had turned his life upside down, his friend and hero, the man he admired, loved, trusted and hoped in for a great future? What had gone wrong? When would the nightmare end? This man deprived of his freedom, ridiculed, humiliated! But what could he do now? He had been told to put the sword away. Would he also be taken in for questioning? What would he say? What would he do? Would he go on denying? Could he go on denying?

Absorbed in his own fears and anxieties, he seems to have been taken by surprise. But something tells you when eyes are on you and he comes up out of his blinding darkness to find Jesus looking at him, looking straight into his eyes. “And the Lord, turning, looked straight at Peter.” He was being led through, pushed through the crowd, so there wasn’t much time! The turning, the looking, must have happened in seconds. Jesus didn’t stand and stare at Peter. There wasn’t time for that! The turning, the glance was so brief, Peter must have wondered had it happened at all or had he imagined it?

But what an impact a look, even a brief look, can have! We’ve always known looks can kill but looks can give life as well. What was it like, this turning, this looking? I’m sure Peter himself would have found it difficult to describe. There are probably no words for an experience like that. What was it like, this look? A lost bewildered look maybe? Was one eye swollen, as in the film? Was he searching for a friendly face? It certainly wasn’t a look of condemnation. He was glad to see Peter. I am sure the look said it all: “It’s all right, Peter, I know all this is a shock to you. You didn’t let yourself believe it could happen! You don’t know what to do, man of action! You are afraid; I can understand that; I am also afraid. I’d love if there were some other way. I’ve prayed for that. But this is how it must be.”

Jesus had said so many things to Peter and the others in their years on the road. But little got through to them! He not only said things but also lived them. His words and example so recently at the Last Supper were so powerful, you might think. But no! They didn’t hear; they didn’t see. They didn’t want to hear; they didn’t want to see.  They were too taken up with their own disputes, rivalries and ambitions.

But this look gets through. This look of love and compassion cuts through to Peter’s heart. Probably because he’s broken up enough to let it through! Probably because he’s ready for it! During this coming Holy Week, it’s important that we plan some quiet time with Jesus. There is no need to be afraid. We will be spending time with someone who knows and loves and understands us better than we know or understand ourselves. Peter had more reasons than most to be nervous and afraid and still, he looked and allowed Jesus to get through to him. 

     And that look was a moment of grace and the source of his whole future ministry!